the White Horse

December 1996 – I dreamed I successfully finished my first term in college (which I was about to do) and was leaving Royal Roads on my bike. It was a winding rain slicked road and I was scared of wiping out (which had actually happened to me a little over a week ago and took ten weeks to heal). I was going fast and trying to slow down. I ended up in a place I feel I’ve been recurrently. The road goes to dirt and comes to an end in a patchy forest area, which has been poorly maintained and has spindly second growth crammed together like toothpicks. Near a ditch there was a white horse browsing with an ornate knight’s saddle on his back. I’ve seen this horse before without the saddle, in the same place. He is splendid and built, not anything like an Arab, more like a Percheron but not as big, pure white, but not albino. I can “think” to him almost wordlessly, pure expression. I smile.

I’ve seen you before.

A mild toss of the head is his greeting/response. This time I feel he has actually appeared to meet me, so I try approaching him. As soon as I do he vigorously turns his back on me and kicks up his hind hoofs. At this response I change my mind and turn to leave. I do not want to play in any case. Perhaps I was wrong. But he runs up behind me and takes me on his back. (I admit to jouncing in the saddle.) The horse can travel inter-dimensionally through space…

Later in the night I dream I am out with my parents and as they almost always do in my dreams they are telling me how bad I am and that I am a failure, and that I’ve never been as bad as I am now. I drew myself up and responded, “Well if that is so then how come I had a dream like this?"