Machina Mystery 6

"it's over my head it's over your head

the stone has been bled the skin has been shed
because life travels faster than sound
life travels faster than sound" - Ian Astbury, "It's Over", 2000

Stand Inside Your Love

You and me, meant to be, immutable, impossible
It’s destiny, pure lunacy, incalculable, insufferable
But for the last time, you’re everything that I want and ask for
You’re all that I’d dreamed
Who wouldn’t be the one you love
Who wouldn’t stand inside your love
Protected and the lover of
A pure soul, and beautiful, you
Don’t understand, don’t feel me now
I will breath for the both of us
Travel the world, traverse the stars
Your home is here, within my heart
And for the first time I feel as though I am reborn in my mind
Recast as child and mystic sage
Who wouldn’t be the one you love
Who wouldn’t stand inside your love

And for the first time,
I’m telling you how much I need and bleed for
Your every move and waking sound
In my time, I’ll wrap my wire around your heart and your mind
You’re mine forever now
Who wouldn’t be the one you love and live for
Who wouldn’t stand inside your love and die for


(Corgan, Machina/Machines of God, 2000)

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To understand June’s prison you must understand one thing, the nature of her jailer. For the sake of this discourse he shall be named Saturn, it’s just one of those happy accidents. It is not intended to refer to the song per se. June’s upbringing was like a goldfish in a fishbowl. It was a very totalitarian fishbowl. You have to imagine, and I’m sure this just can’t seem real, that there was a figure in June’s life, Saturn, who was all encompassing. He controlled so many roles in her life that he defined her existence. That was the prison. He was the sun. She was in orbit. To her he was more than father, he was priest, ruler, lover, shepherd, judge, and finally executor. But on that last point June reneged. She set herself free. Saturn’s was the Red Right Hand. Only fitting, isn’t it?!? The King in the video, June knows very well. That’s her Saturn. Here is June’s version:

This song may address anyone and no one, it is general, but let me point out this:

Upon my departure (and he does refer to her traveling), I had rested a huge supposition based on the circumstance, which (as per usual) is not apparent to anyone but me. On the basis that I assume Saturnine’s calling is veritable, and he had forbidden my departure by command, I was facing a damnable charge of high treason against a prophet/king. (The fences one places to keep the striplings in line!) Saturnine’s actual words were, ‘As your king, I forbid you to leave. (–You know what this means.)’

My mother had come to my home and gone down on her knees, begging me not to go. She said I could destroy the entire kingdom if I went against this command. I nearly screamed at this. (In fact I did once I was out of hearing, because I had lost my mother. I screamed because once again God had faced me with damnation in either outcome.) In turn I had told her that I could lose the kingdom if I didn’t go, that in fact it could be eternal love I’d be losing.

I had a body of reasoning that stood against Saturn’s edict, but it hadn’t been verified tangibly in any way; my departure was an attempt to verify it tangibly. In effect disobeying my Saturn’s command was consciously placing absolute faith in my body of reasoning, which centered around the redemption and affirmation of the Divine injunction.

Saturn had stated that whomever I joined; I would be joining the devil. Not only did I have to be able to support that this was not, in fact, true, but seeing as he implied their damnation by my association to them, I had to protect them against that as well. However when I left, I was relying on a shortcut: getting affirmation of the original mutual divine injunction would automatically undermine my Saturn’s threat. On the other hand due to the redemption I knew that my love had indeed created a loophole at a level that afforded the injunction definition protection in complete sanctity. I’d declared that by embracing the collective as the fulfillment of the Divine injunction they would be protected from his judgement. I’d realized that I had the biggest loophole extant; even if Saturn was correct about his claim, and was who he said he was, he could not keep you from fulfilling a Divine injunction. My injunction had precedence, and I should be given the latitude to consider and realize it. You can see why he must resort to asserting I am possessed, for he is aware of the original injunction and believes it was real.

You see the whole point to this is that I never broke the rules, I never rejected my Saturn’s calling, because given the potentialities, the stakes were such that I could not explore such risks in a context I felt was universal. I could not act in ways that placed people I thought were potentially linked to me at any potential risk. So for my escape from this prison, I used transcendence, not revolution. Something that risked no one, and was established by love alone. (The perfect altruism that constitutes redemption.)

I was certain my love exercised total protection; by my departure I had staked my absolute belief in that protection, without the benefit of any tangible evidence, on faith alone.

Corgan’s response, then, could be taken as an acknowledgement, and in fact I had expected him to be aware of this (based on the premise of if I was right about this, and him), because with respects to my Saturn’s accusation he would be a devil, in effect, immediately damned upon my arrival. Hence he specifically needed this protection.

Not only that, but his address was couched with the understanding that he had stood among many, (who wouldn’t be the one), and that was also an acknowledgement I expected from him, for his awareness of them had been the final keystone that secured my choice of him.

I also expected him to have been reborn, in the same manner as Trent had portrayed with himself, by having been joined. And in this declaration, he was. As I had chosen Billy irrevocably, he had answered belatedly in kind.

I had also expected that it dealt in the potential of forever, I’d made the proposal myself.

In fact it wasn’t the song that signified, it was the video, which was a corker. It was an epic scale mini drama with gothic horror overtones [meant to invoke Oscar Wilde's play, Salome"]. That it made airplay much at all was based purely on his artistic clout. It looks like a circus freak show, and for most of the public, that’s what it was.

The video revolves around them both, her and him. Throughout the entire video, she is all in white and he is all in black. The opening statement was, "The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death." Oscar Wilde

It begins with her submerged in a bath of black ink water; she weeps a solitary tear at her isolation. He is on a plateau above her but she is unaware of him, she cannot sense him at all. But when he drops down a leaf, she catches it and enjoys the gift. My whole complaint inside The S.P. was that I had achieved everything beyond my senses, that I couldn’t actually sense him at all, the only awareness I had of him was in the songs coming back. (Hence a tangible missive, a leaf.) When her hands rise above the black water, it is revealed she is chained at the wrists by massive iron manacles. She is imprisoned. My journal entries in December ‘98 were the first time I’d ever acknowledged this. I referred to another video that alluded to it years before because it conveyed the harshness so aptly (it was by someone else who was linked). It was a visual I’d never been able to accept until after I was released. In the previous video a woman robed in white was portrayed as being manacled, hand and foot, to a throne, and the band members were portrayed as being trapped there too in the same way. I wrote that I now knew why. It was based on the implications of my Saturn’s claim; it was his throne I had been chained to, and the absolutes generated from that confined them as well, just as I wrote above, he’d threatened them too. December it was too that I wrote, I have escaped.

The women from both of these videos had black hair and were robed in white. This one, it so happened, had the same long curly hair that I do; it was not naturally hers.

There is a lot of background to the white robe, but this one is too convoluted to get into. What is mind-blowing about it, was that it was linked directly to fulfillment with Corgan, and this video.

The next visual from Stand Inside Your Love was truly shocking. It showed Corgan staring up, nigh in supplication, at a rising full moon. Her face appears in it. Then moon turns blood red. My God, the man picks up on the details. He knew about shift to the red moon. But this is the level of correspondence I expect, that must be there if this is true.

I’ll see you again when the stars fall from the sky, and the moon turns red – Bono wrote that in 1987. In Bono’s nomenclature, "Star" had just fallen from the sky. The moon had rose red when I crossed the Arctic.

The next visual was even worse; it showed her silhouette in motion, dancing behind a cloth, which had been my weekend job at the nightclub before I left. I was a silhouette dancer, believe it or not. It’s in the journal. Christ, she’s the dancer too.

Then there was, lest we forget, the scene of staring into a mirror darkly (actually a guillotine's blade), and his appearance behind it, their shocked recognition of each other.

But it was the final scene that will blow you head. It’s befitting for Salome; Salome was an epithet that both my father and Bono utilized, it ties into a dangerous archetype for me. Saturn used it for me as an invocation of betrayal.

Throughout the final scene Corgan is viewing her one step removed, through an inter-dimensional portal. He is not present in the room. The removed sense of awareness rings true. A woman drapes herself over him and he shies away, repulsed. His entire interest is in the dancer alone.

The woman in white is dancing in a king’s court, but it is a sham court. The "king" is slovenly, indulgent, and under-dressed. The throne he ascends to is really an ornate toilet, a pun. But the courtiers are fawning. It’s the same sort of circle that surrounds my family to some degree. They do call him "Your Majesty".

When she enters the court and begins dancing, the court acolytes descend into hushed awe. They’d drink her lifeblood if they could. It is the same sense, pretty much, that there can be when I go to the clubs, when I was a dancer there. They sense it. Fortunately there is this buffer around me that hardly any one will enter.

In the court the king is beside himself and can only stare. That she is his possession is implied by Corgan’s entry into the scene. They all wonder at his entry, obviously the stranger, but none are anymore perplexed than herself. She stops in her dance and stares. There is a sense of recognition but at the same time she is wondering why he’s there at all. They know each other, but everyone else in the court is mystified; they don’t have a clue. The king, however, appears displeased, and the sham courtiers descend on the encounter like the carrion still has juice.

She still cannot see why. When he approaches she lifts her head and cries out in pain. She is drawing herself up, raising her arms. You could say she has no idea how the encounter may turn, but the truth lying behind the realities scares her a great deal. When he arrives at her feet, and goes down on his knees, she was no more shocked than I was. She was appalled he was on his knees and so was I. So was the court, drawing back in shock.

He reaches down and she is astonished. Then he kisses her foot, which he’d lifted, revealing the manacle that chained her, but is now loosed. She is already free when he touches her.

It was the "king’s" reaction to this, in my context, which is the most striking. The moment Corgan touches her, the king’s face blackens and he lifts his hand, as if reflexively invoking an edict. The camera focuses on the ring on his finger; it is a skull ring. Death is invoked for the stranger who touches her.

It was the same with Saturn. From the moment of the inception of the universal awareness I sensed that this reflex was present, it had been hanging over me like an axe from the very beginning. And I knew that if ever there lay anyone on the other side, that reflex would gain its target, which had caused me to close myself internally, for their protection. I had to know absolutely that this edict was false before I’d come forward. That was the trap of the throne. I had not let them know about it, because if they knew, they would likely rebel, and I could not cause them to rebel. Corgan had gone through a period of profound rejection, not knowing why I had sealed myself off.

It was really because he was my own prison. For his own protection I couldn’t even allow myself the possibility that he existed, for that would start the wheels grinding that supported the fulcrum to the axe. Before this happened I had to be absolutely sure the axe couldn’t kill him. I did not care what his perception of my action was; I could not, for that would engender revelation inside the awareness, and this would lead to accusations of tyranny. I figured either one would want to kill the other; such a contingency could not be allowed. There were potential dimensions to that potential war that could never be allowed. The wrong one could win. There wasn’t supposed to be a war, on any level. That the "king’s" edict is powerless is conveyed by the final cut; it shows the two of them rising up into the sky, her in his arms. The hem of her robe is stained black. She came close enough the darkness that it marked her.

But the message is clear, in this love lies transcendence (of death, even if it is the "king’s" edict).

My question is this: how could there possibly be anyone for whom the interpretation of this video is literal and direct, and applies to her life in its entirety?!? Who on the fucking globe has even had to deal in a sham court?!?