Commemorating the Thunder

(I just heard minutes ago)

January 26th, 2002


All my life I've never dreamed of a unicorn,

Me, a unicorn dreamer, I made my angel archetypes unicorns,


Me, who always wished but the realist who never believed in them


But would idly fancy one cleaving the air through interdimension


on the green rugby field outside the class window,


wanting one to take me away on its back forever


But they're lost, I'd reply, belong to another place


And so wrote about last ones,


Briel, a pure and unstained brother


Had incarnations in every tale


Turns out his name is in the angel encyclopaedia (yea, there is one)

And now last night, I dreamed one,


But not without encountering some old beasts first


Last night it thundered in January


You don't know what that means


It never thunders here


I can remember three, maybe four, thunder and lightening storms


In the last decade, the others were just lightening really,


There was a vast circle hole in the clouds


All around us,


We were on a hilltop


And my wee brother was calling where the lightening would strike next


You know, the one who called me 'Sis'


Two of the storms have happened on the night of the eve where men have really hurt me


And did so wrongly


I was with the second one, he noticed


Thunder is that unusual


An immigrant and he knew –the timing scared him


How the wind raged all night and hammered rain –just the same


I was nice enough not to mention, this was the second time


The second heart break, and that was the previous time it had stormed like that here


How strange then, a single rumbling peal, descending lower and lower


To herald snow??? Surreal, can't be,


Except, this time is the first time, that I'm really angry


'you should be south', I muttered bitterly


(how useless)


Little wonder then, that the bitch is back,


Except before, in the nightmares, they were all male


The eldest brother joins my dream tonight


To help me out; assesses the situation with a baleful look,


-'you're dreaming black dogs again?'


-um yes, well, it's been a while


a long long while


it's apt


-didn't realize I was this unhappy


not even from the awful way I cried last night


remember the jackal


and what she saw


she dreamed it beforehand


they ripped the child to shreds


right before her eyes


and that was how she knew


the unborn was going to die.


It was a long long time ago


But not too long to forget


The hopelessness they came in


When there was no way out


Another time it was me,


Helping my brother


But the roles have reversed themselves


It's not the same as when they were too powerful


Autonomous invasions


that didn't belong


Virile, strong and wholly savage


This one is old and hoary, white muzzle


But a killer


She ripped out Cofi's throat (-think 'Amores Perros')


Before meeting me


Strangely obsessed


She won't let me out of her company


Nuzzles me privately, pinches with two teeth


Just letting me know


She could rip it out


Anytime she likes


And just might want to


Before, there would have been no way of escaping her


Or someone to return the favor


There would have been no way of tricking her


No diversions, my brother could not have succeeded


There had been no way when one came for him


You must think I'm forgetting about unicorns


Or when he arrived


But it was not his diversion


He was already on the scene


And I had brightened marvelously


Like a fulfilled child,


But then it's never happened


Though there's been the finest horses


And I can ride them well


(I did when I was younger)


He's very bold


Not willowy or frail


Not stocky but strong and built


With a spire much the same that can't be missed


It is only when he's been there a while


That I notice


His coat is blackened and scorched


Like he's had to come through fire


But when he joins me later


It's brighter than ever


It was just incidental


Like an incidental tourist come for other things


Until my brother diverts the hoary bitch enough


And says, run now, while you have the chance


And I do,


-down Richmond


Maybe it's a matter of choice


that makes him comes running after me


-like the dream where you came back


now it mattered to you enough

He comes


kneels down


and offers me his back, no less


I turn to my helper, dear brother


-don't you want to get on too?


But it's much too serious to ride a unicorn


He shakes his head


Besides, the bitch will come


Seeking her quarry


And the unicorn


Is there


To help me get away


Being on his back was like melding


To his body


I just fit there


Every line of my limb


Felt like I belonged

Riding him