Sent to Coldplay Official using their message app and playing around with the url, 9:49 am EST October 5th 2021.
Dear Chris Martin/Coldplay,
This is in response to your new song "Higher Power", because you are saying you want to meet and I am someone you want to know. Coincidentally you live premiered this song on my birthday, which I may be imputing with too much significance. I'm replying that I want to meet and know you too. I've waited for someone to want this for almost thirty years. It is the only thing I've wanted in this life. I just have to prove to you that it really is me you want to meet. That's really difficult, to prove that I might be the one with a "Higher Power" out of millions of people, but I can actually give it a go, long method or short and I can go long indeed, as long as anyone would need or want. (Let's hope not, the last time took four years.) Better yet, I have both the past and the future in my arsenal. The past, shorthand, is that I wrote a book about it, and Bono has not only read it, but written a song about reading it, namely "Book of Your Heart". Bono stealth bombed my book using Songs of Experience, which is how I know the above is true. He used his latest musical release to stealth bomb me, using a hidden biblical reference to my first name.
I am here to let you in on my public experiment with the future, which I am about to open on a reddit page to host, called, "The Revolution is My Boyfriend". This public proposal is going to a behavioural psychologist at the same time.
-This is the webpage that substantiates how I know Bono was referencing my book, as he inserted a whole number of things into Songs of Experience's release pertaining to the book that would have only been privy to a reader (or the writer). Bono is not the only artist who has incorporated my work after personally encountering me. The same happened with William Patrick Corgan, and possibly Nick Cave. Hopefully you'll read on and get the chance to read this (and enjoy the added convenience of hyperlinks)....
If you want to meet, this is me:
Rahab R. Cummins
2158 6th Ave. N. rear
St. Petersburg FL 33713
Tel: (727) 490-4792
Cell: (727) 877-9348
email: raymonde7@hotmail.com
For reference:
Twitter: @raysondetre and @comeradiate
Youtube: raysondetre
tumblr: raysondetre/The Raydiant Labyrinth
Flickr: raysondetre
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/candleoformen/
Like I said, when it comes to the past, you're really in luck, because I wrote a book for this very purpose (even if I didn't know the actual purpose). It is pre-self published, which shows none of this is contrived. And I already proved it once, to one person. The book records how/why I did it. And luckily, hopefully maybe I can test it in front of your very eyes right now and you'll be fortunate enough to see it happen twice. That depends on what the Higher Power plans to do, what the inspiration right now in the universal music feedback will be, and whether it will co-relate sufficiently to myself and what I've written already in the past year and published very privately on the web (with the book there's a long timeline that can be delved).
December 2020 I mailed a letter to update everything that happened after the book, which ends at 2007. I sent the letter and the book to Martin Gore, and archived the letter on my website simultaneously to pass it on to Nick Cave, whose pending album was the one I had to intercept the current inspirational music feedback loop with. Because of who you are and what you're presently doing, I am providing you with the un-redacted version of this letter. The public exercise in a public field, which I'm mailing to a clinical psychologist, depends on a heavily redacted version of this letter. I'd recommend starting here.
Here goes the try. Some of this is going to seem improbable in terms of how I'm relating the past with these songwriter musicians as if it's personal, most of whom I met in person or sent writs of varying length, but barely met. (With Nine Inch Nails I did neither.) It may seem inexplicable first reading (some elements are gobsmacking). That is what the book is for, to explain the entire past. So if you find it improbable or inexplicable at the onset, you won't if you read the past.
And here goes the caveat, meeting was all I ever asked for, no matter what weight was thrown behind it, because I can't presume what the Higher Power is doing between me and you. I think It wants to meet each other in love, but that doesn't change personal choice and what you choose yourself, besides which I don't know anything about you and your existing circumstances, -personal life. I don't google celebrities or musicians, and I definitely don't want to know anything about you right now that will affect this. (I'm definitely not googling.) I just want to meet like normal people and find out like normal people, because, no matter what your personal circumstance might be, just meeting is supremely important. Just the act of meeting at all under this impulse, when we are otherwise complete strangers, is the only indication there might be that there is a "Higher Power" at work between me and you, (not to mention the rest of the songwriters, there's a lot). And there are potentially a lot more of us. No meeting, no proof.
I tried to meet with Bono just to talk about this twenty one years ago. I asked that because he was married. I didn't infringe on the personal relationships of anyone I encountered over the course of this (because of this, which for me started almost thirty years ago (thanks to Bono); basically the universal music feedback has been following me my whole adult life since I hit the age of majority (21), and lack of proof has forced me to internalize it as a secret for just as long). I went to Ireland in the interest of just meeting, to ask and obtain an answer to one question. I really do think that just meeting is everything. I want you to know that. Just the release from being forced to internalize everything as a secret for a lifetime without any recourse, which just meeting would release me from, the gratitude it would endear in my heart is beyond calculus. I am only acting in this hope, a hope that's been extinguished for me for twenty-one years by both personal encounters (Bono and Billy Corgan/WPC).
Explicating my shorthand attempt at proof, May musically was a very big month. It was the month that Bono named me for the first time, covertly of course (with a second covert reference to reading my book). Bono's been relating to me covertly using his songwriting, knowing who I am on this earth for twenty-one years. (I met him in person with letters in 1999.) He has never wanted to meet me, won't even acknowledge that I exist. (I don't know if he'll confirm what I'm alleging to you, but you're in a far better position than I'll ever be to ask.) It is Bono who has defined me as object all this time in terms of my real existing circumstances in the real world, unconsciously before I met him (this traces back to when I was thirteen years old), and by the looks of things consciously after. It has taken him twenty-one years post encounter to decide to allude to my name (timely that), and like everything else he's done since our brief meeting in 1999, he's maintained his possible referencing to me in such secrecy all it's given me is doubt ever since I met him, eighteen years of doubt, until I recontacted him in 2011 and he appeared to write a song on Songs of Experience in response to my delivered book draft.
Two weeks before Bono's May release, Trent Reznor released a song that chilled me past the bone and was totally terrifying. And then, on my 50th birthday, you performed the live premiere of "Higher Power". I'm presuming it's coincidental because I don't think the artists who may happen to know it is my birthday would have told you anything (Bono, Billy Corgan (WPC), Nick Cave). Lord, what a budget!!! Just the effort has been awe-inspiring. (This is crazy!!) It's awe-inspiring to witness. It says what I wished someone would want for nigh thirty years. (The order of release was not how/when these things occured to me in terms of me encountering them, which I explain below, but you need a short backgrounder first.)
A personal meeting nearly happened with WPC. I chose and asked in my mind to be with someone solely out of the musical psychic funhouse mirror (one of many). I chose him (1998). He came back with a whole album declaring it was love eternal and knew (eventually) who I was on earth (because I proved it to him using his website), and hurriedly wrote this back when I resumed direct messaging him after a two year hiatus. (After the "eternal lovers" album in 2000 I did eventually prove to him that his inspirational object was me, but gave up after because actually meeting was something he didn't seem to want at all, which rationally pretty much forced me to me give up all belief that what was happening to me and what I was seeing was real.) But when I resumed contact via direct messaging (because he songwrote in reply to my couriers three years later using the album Zeitgeist), he wrote a song immediately after I resumed contact saying that he did want to meet, only to play this promise out online and musically in a secret internet tete-a-tete until he deliberately broke my heart in 2009. My heart has been broken on these levels twice already. It is something so devastating and so prolonged in reaching a conclusion (it gets to happen more than once in different ways with each party) that May 2020 I interiorly said to myself/God (take your pick) I cannnot go through this again. But here I am, going through it.
I think those both happened to me because the Higher Power had to show me that it was not either of them relating to me individually. It was Him. WPC appeared to have figured this out and broke up with me on purpose for perhaps this very reason, qualified by that he's never spoken about it. I'm curious to see what he'll do now, next. I'm mentioning my almost encounter with WPC to say I've been through this on a level where there was so much personal detail in the "reply" to my mind's asking (from the guy I asked), that just that one video, "Stand Inside Your Love" took a nearly a chapter and a half to fully explain the depth of personal detail it delved me in terms of my existing real world (and otherworldly) circumstance (it tied back into how Bono targeted me personally as object with "Salome"). This is a song that says "you're mine forever now". WPC said the song just arrived as a whole piece in about ten minutes, which again makes my point. Our personal encounter showed me in the end that Billy hadn't known he had an existing object with that song here on earth who he hadn't meant yet, though in conjunction with the album it sure sounded like it. He hadn't known I existed, I had to prove it. (Yes, I'm using Billy/WPC interchangeably, apologize, and won't devolve into that explanation. He was Billy interacting with me.)
Having gone through that encounter means I'm not going to be presumptive about what I feel in the moment, here, now. Though the thought means more to me than anything could because it is all I ever wanted all this time.
I'm going to use the impact of the three songs in May with the dates they happened to try and explain what's been going on with me personally since I was involuntarily resurrected, in a manner of speaking, thanks to Nick Cave's album Ghosteen coming out October 2019. (I encountered the album Sunday October 22nd. I recontacted Nick Cave right away using his Red Hand Files.) I responded because Nick Cave's album tied into the subtext of my book, with Nick having zero clue the book existed (and because I already checked him out the first time this seemed to be happening twenty-two years ago). What that album did, how it awakened me was that it distilled a myriad of personal elements from both heartbreaks with both men (Billy and Bono) and revived them in a creative context that said they were all about a present tense one night's meeting making love in a hotel room (consummation), only to drive off to arrive at the sunset, capped off with the declaration of the (male) ghosteen (spirit) announcing, I am beside you, look for me! I am within you, you are within me, look for me! The shock of that one hearing was like being thrust awake from a deep sleep so hard you lurch into a sitting position. The processing was slow and gradual and the awakening took not one, but two men. This was because I'd met Nick Cave in person with letters in the past back in 1999, he married shortly after, and he personally rejected me back then saying I was deluded. In terms of him I was. This means I know with first hearing it is not Cave relating to me, but it's as if he's taking me to bed with everything that was stolen and robbed forever, recapturing it by relating to me in the first person, which was quite a conundrum. The conundrum it actually introduces was too frightening to contemplate.
I don't think people really understand what it would really be like to be apprehended by a transcendent spirit in your real life for twenty-seven years in the sole interest of taking you as eternal lover, or that it would take that long to become rationally grounded in that conclusion. It's frightening beyond belief, and with Trent's songwriting adventing here, I am already presented with the ultimate challenge, even from within the universal feedback itself, that I'm delusional and deserve to be destroyed on sight for the pitfalls it has gotten me into. It has taken twenty years from when I was forced to apprehend this conclusion rationally in 2000 (when I was terrified it was totally crazy to think it, and permitted myself only one night to dwell in that thought), to be apprehended by it a second time, and this time allow it and feel it totally and completely, actually trust it. That inference in 2000 was thanks to what had occurred in the context of two men; -back then it was Cave and Billy/WPC, this time around it happened between Nick Cave and Martin Gore. With all four of these men (Bono, Billy, Nick, and Martin), the linking history is either over thirty years or close to it. (Billy's uplinking started with Gish more or less, released coincidentally on my birthday in 1991.)
A being that would try a course of consummation that takes twenty-seven years is an extremely patient one. When I go re-awakened in 2019/2020, I tried contacting Martin Gore for the first time (mail) to try and explain what was happening (because I know enough to know that this would have precipitated in both our minds at once), to try and explain the entire history with him and what had knocked us out of the sky twice over, which from my perspective was having my heart broken twice over. And I explained everything that happened. Then I felt I was in real trouble because I didn't even know when this restored thanks to Martin that he was married, and I had to abnegate my connection with him, which was an axe through me but as with the first (Bono), I didn't have a choice. It was writing that piece of mail that did it, because there is something about just being able to communicate with someone you perceive that long a history with that intimately that permits you to process what is in your own mind, when all your life you've never been safe enough to ever speak about it. Meeting for mere conversation couldn't mean more, really. I can't put any onus on you, that depends on you. I've been through enough prospects I can say it might depend on someone else, but the conversation, meeting to have one because of this, is my emancipation in any context.
So I'm going to explain to you what I tried to explain to Martin, which either puts you on or lets you off the hook, your situation depending. I let him off the hook. I completely let him off, but that didn't stop what was happening. Nothing stopped what was happening; it seemed like every time I chose correctly or faced things down, it just went deeper. And as I realized it was the ghosteen relating to me, and that I'd always identified the ghosteen as The Groom (Jesus' term for Himself as the Second Coming), this Being I could feel but not see appeared at the foot of my bed when I awoke two Saturdays in a row last September (the first was the 12th). He only had an appearance inside my mind, and He really appeared inside my mind. And that is what you are feeling from me. It is my making love because He came to make love to me, felt within my own awareness, because I was finally totally convinced there was a Transcendent Being that had orchestrated the entire musical feedback just in order to do this with me. It lasted for weeks, and never actually went away completely, though naturally a comedown was necessary just to remain functional in the real world. Arriving at that conviction finally permitted me to feel, because I was finally convinced it wasn't a delusion of self love; I was really loving someone. And that is what you feel. And that's a really hard thing to say. And it's an incredible love with a twenty-seven plus year orchestration going into it from every one of you that was begun when I was thirteen years old, and began with the first concert encounter with Bono when I was twenty-one. (That was when the vesica pisces appeared in my head, with me wondering, "What's that there for?", -which is now on your album cover.)
It's a really hard thing to say because it only took place in my mind, and the only thing that lets me know it wasn't just my mind is what happens in the universal music feedback. I forwarded Martin's December 2020 letter to Nick Cave because I felt duty bound to intercept the music feedback loop with him this time 'round, making sure the letter was produced to time with Cave's penned L.I.T.A.N.I.E.S. That is because I knew what it would be about before it came out, because I'd already experienced it. -And it was. And so was CARNAGE, which was released after I forwarded the letter, February 2020. It was the same vein as the former, almost a re-emphasis. And then Nick announced the tangible release would be on my birthday, which he'd have known from the writ. (Except the tangible release was delayed for some reason to June 18th.)
It took nearly four moons to run into you. That was September 11th, "Higher Power" and "Coloratura". I saw the Whitby Cathedral performance the next day, Sunday, and was floored with awe. I was floored that this had happened on my birthday. It was like Cave had done his best to signifiy my birthday with CARNAGE and somehow it got missed. This was like God signifying my birthday at the same time consummation was at last finished, signifying with what He knew I'd always wanted. On Sunday there was a double rainbow.
What happened on my birthday when you were performing at Whitby? This thing settled into me with supreme permanency, because of Bono's song. I'd encountered the song about four days before and it was really hard to deal with. At first it was like, why does he have to try and ruin right now by insulting me for the past being so hard, when he was the one who broke me twice over? Why can't I just get to be happy in this? (Why is it saying half naked?) Why does he have to frighten me just to name me, and continue to hide everything, when he's putting out a message that's designed to only make perfect sense to me? Tell me I might have a death wish? Tell me how bloody hard it all was as if that's all my fault when he deliberately played me with doubt for years and years to keep me from arriving at the conclusion his actions were total abandonment? Rehash all this after God Himself has convicted me for my bitterness toward him and I found a way to forgive? So many things it took three days.
And on the night/day after my birthday the verb repeat its shudder through me and I realized, Bono's speaking to me as God, using the only verse that conjuncts God with my name, as the very act of creation between the universal unconscious sea and the sky. ("Window in the Skies", remember.) The entire history of me as Bono's object (from the sea) sunk into the present context attached to my real name. (Everything that happened with Bono was validated and justified according to original purpose, as Bono only did what he did with me because he felt he had been commanded to by God, and all of it is finally restored to me, Bono included, as in this context there is nothing wrong.) -All that history with Bono restores and sets immutably in my being in the context of God moving across the waters. Everything (including Bono's secrecy) is justified in the sense, you are named because I marry you. That is the only reason to name you. It is the only reason I'd name you. (It is done with me as object because of Bono's conscious choice to name me, having knowingly defined me so for twenty-one years to experiment and find out if I was right about my question to him. And my personal seduction was the only way he would fulfill the experiment, mind to mind.)
You are subject.
Never without me.
The rest is private.
I have had it come back transcendentally (unconsciously) through Nick Cave, (Mr. it doesn't really matter what it says it's really about the music. Yes, yes and no.), and actually this happened twice over twenty-two years apart. But Bono with this song meets that self same moment, does it naming me (after deliberately isolating me as personal object for twenty-one years, i.e., Bono does it consciously knowing who I am on this earth), and does it speaking as God. I realize that the first time this happened between Bono and me in 2006, because he was speaking as the resurrection, he was also speaking as God. ("Window in the Skies")
The event's sense of permanency lets you imagine how terrifying it was to run into Trent after having that happen, (Sunday night August 1st), which only happened because (what a blast!), if there'd ever been a wedding ceremony, the wedding song I'd have liked to dance to for this (to commemorate it for all time) was "The Way It Used to Be", which Trent made when the breaking between Bono and myself had shattered everything so much I had no hope of the song's ever being real ever again. That is what Trent had come to mean to me, that insistence of the eternal when all was utterly lost. Just as we'd "met" in a sense, in the utter black I was falling through when I realized Bono would abandon me utterly by never speaking to me in 2000. Trent's transformation with The Fragile made me feel immutably obliged to him on a level, as in obliged to the redemption in the form of Trent's apparent transformation, obliged to him and all the rest, to survive how Bono's abandonment was utterly destroying me in the moment in absolute despair. Trent was the one telling me we'd make it through no matter what. Trent knew how far I'd fallen.
The laughable part is the night before I heard Trent Reznor's latest track, I was seriously contemplating that the ony way I had to cope left to me was to become a nun. (In that way it was a good smack upside the head.) It was harrowing to think that if the order had been reversed and I'd encountered Trent's song first, would Bono's song have only acted in the negative sense I first felt, and how the song felt it was as much potentially damning as it might present the eternally good, with me too afraid to perceive anything else about it? I saw Bono's song in the exact opposite light once I heard Trent's. (I see Damon Albarn's new sticker on his piano and I just plummet, thinking I tried so, so hard to have it not be there, but it's on me 100% to read that much into a sticker. Welcome to August. It was beyond flooring to have everything invert itself so easily.)
After Trent, when I felt the presence rising in love within me, the terror of the questioning I'd put myself through because of that song had changed me completely. There was no one, not one person with me. There is not one person willing to attest that I am real. There is not one who isn't trying to insert some fundamental failing falsehood into the cosmology that would break it all. There is not a single one who cares, not even at the most basic point of proof. None are believers, not one. Everything I can scroll through in the past I can dismiss as concidence, because not one moment was attested to as a mutual one. Not one has cared about my fate. This winds up at, you're putting this down to a flower? (Explanation's on my twitter.)
What if you just subjected yourself forever to a false impersonating spirit? (Your dad set you up for that.) No, he really did. What he really set me up for though was that I would make finding God, meaning finding a God that was good, the quest of my whole existence (perhaps a false quest) and he burned that into me at just about the deepest level possible. A reaction to trauma. This is how false prophets imbue their frustrated aspirations in their children they want to reduce to nothing more than that. In my father's hands religion was exactly the inversion Trent believes it all is. So it's possibly no more and no less than subjecting one's self to a falsely implanted ideal from a really evil person who weaponized Christianity. You quested for a fiction... -Do you have any comprehension how alone you'd be if you'd had to bottle all this up inside you head since you were twenty-one years old, just to protect yourself from being accused that you were insane? Or, since your dad was a raving fundamentalist, hide everything about yourself to ensure he wouldn't conclude that you were such a blasphemous abomination that God would surely want him to kill you? (The atheist thinks the same way. Dad knew exactly how this atheist would think.)
To myself: And you accepted being subject forever? To what you really don't know? (How would you feel if upon death, you apprehended a spirit with no identifiers you could sense without senses in the afterlife? That would be absolute terrifying.) That would make you the true eternal existential fall of Eve. (Just choosing to be subject of your own volition is the Fall.) The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the fall was based on the desire to live forever, and I have sacrificed my entire relational life to the hope of creating the potentiality for all the potential people/spirits potentially with me in sanctity, and that it is 'Forever" has come back to me multiple times. Was it a meaningless sacrifice to the impossible? Is there a danger in that desire of letting the evil inherent in humanity off planet? Death is real and I am really alone. What a relief!
What you don't realize yet is that I am testing my own perception. I am testing my internal perception. And by the looks of things Trent didn't see what I saw. If only I saw what I saw, how can I really say I saw God? Trent would have had to have seen Him too. What am I left with if it turns out I am the only one who saw? (Do you think I would argue the point?) Where does the accord come from? Is it even really there? (I don't have these arguments internally. It's whether my internal experience is translatable to say Trent, or not? My own thought is that I'm harboring an exclusive personal perception that allows that wonderful Being to share and to Be, and if that's the only place, that's fine by me. I'll gladly give Him that; maybe that's all this was for, it's the least I can do.)
So at the same time I worry about failing the test of achieiving common perception in the universal unconscious connectivity (which I'm hoping will play out for your sake in my little attempt at a public experiment with the future), I stand by my cosmology. I stand by it because it is my brain and my mind and my ethics and my design and my heart that bleeds and my love and my integrity and how I conceived myself and my own potential and my own potential collective awareness that is the reason you want to talk to me at all. I gave everything and it all came from me, if I'm deluded about there being a higher power. I am more afraid of finding out it was all just me, what Trent views as his own personal autonomy and courage as opposed to mine. It is about as frightening as confessing to my own perception of last summer. But that is because atheists don't understand what populations will bastardize in the quest for substitutes. I'm afraid of how people will react if it's just me, and that it will be much worse. Oh wait, maybe he does.
The reason Trent describes it as all the pigs can't get enough is the same as conveying that everyone aware of what has happened with me in a spiritual sense is participating in this wrongly. How many married men are there, him included? Why would a spirit cause adultery? A truly transcendent spirit would not need to inhabit and inspire people to express this, it's no different than using them. (So is Bono warning me that beyond this threshold is the Fall?) Trent expects a truly transcendent spirit that eclipses humanity, in order to eclipse the evil in humanity. And he is absolutely right that this is the baseline requirement. That is his belief in the nature of death. (I agree with him.) This is the failure of transhumanism, belief that eternal human life is "worth it" is the tacit acceptance or ambivalence to preserving the evil inherent in human existence. This is the same as thinking eternal life is worth having with evil in it. And Trent can try and go ahead and tell me what difference or bone he has to pick with me when a big part of what he has going on is really nothing more or less than an atheistic orientation for the concept of original sin, and discovers that same dystopian worldview is about all I have going on myself. But he gives me the Devil's Advocate questions that run even deeper:
Is the cross over between the sexual and the spiritual just an existential abomination in that it's not possible? (That's the Fall too.) And the paradox of how this has made me utterly alone in the world. What if I am wrong about what's taking place in my head? If I'm deluded, I know I wasn't deluded about Bono. I know he could sense me in real time, sense my thought when this happened, so I am culpable even if I'm deluded. So my next thought when this rose in me adddressed to what I could sense was, there are married men who know about me. I do not know who you are. (I sense a spirit with no identifiers, and what was going on inside my perception has left me, what remains is indistinguishable from my own imagination.)
To myself: David Bowie prophesied you on his deathbed but that was so harrowing you were the first to wonder if he was predicting something bad. Bono is still pissed off at you now, pissed and insulting, and the whole song described being outside Eden, at the gate, not inside, which just as easily implies arriving only to never get back in. Martin Gore, who sang affirmation that this was transcendentally happening since the very beginnning, when he said what happened with Bono in thought was really "welcome to my world" added, and we'll sleep a Devil's sleep just to keep him satisfied". Even Martin is inviting the Fall. (How could you just ignore that as not true just because you never once agreed with him?) Nick Cave believes Jesus is a figment of human collective consciousness, a creative ideal, a creation you're aspiring to in the creative act, not the other way 'round. No where is this transcendentally in common, not one place. Bono deliberately betrayed his very belief in God for the sake of political catchet and ticket sales. What if he is really judging you and your head's shorn because you fell for another falsehood, his? Because the only reason you let that happen is because you believed he was told by God to seduce you. Bono doesn't even believe in his own God, let alone aknowledge you had this command from God in common. He acknowledges nothing.
The irony of the question Are you alone, was that it was unpacking that I was lonelier than any being in the world perhaps, alone enough to create this delusion but at the same time, that I wasn't necessarily alone in it, which had the definite danger of being not good. If Trent can sense enough to react, that means I do not know what spirit I may encounter in a moment. (With Hesitation Marks Trent appeared to sense exactly what had happened, both in the first person and with an awareness there was a male and female spirit, and now the first indicators appear to be he's angry because he's realizing, in his worldview, I seconded him to something completely non-existent; -I hurt him, perhaps, with what could not have been a graver insult.) I was with Bono as a spirit, only in mutual thought. We are all potential in these abilities or they wouldn't be happening. Which means the truth is I have no idea. I love you, I wish I could. And the presence melted away as subtly as it appeared, no aspersion or regret or feeling whatsoever.
And until I saw and heard you on September 11th, that was that. I witnessed "Higher Power" and "Coloratura", the second reaching into the very roots of Bono's first expression, "she comes in colours". (When I delivered the book draft to him personally, I made all the personal interjections inside the narrative multicoloured. I know it comes from a song about his wife, but it was what was going on in The Joshua Tree's B-sides that really were the root of everything that followed; -the depth of the explanation would pain you besides being already written. Oh and, this is me. Oh and UV/neon colour light effects are pretty much nostalgia from thirty years ago when my dad made the tripping house.) The first song was immeasurably sweet. Dancing was very key in what happened, which lies recorded in the December 2020 letter. What was happening in my head summer 2020 actually seemed to have innumerable witnesses at certain thresholds, and the experience of intangible entities was such it was indeterminate whether they were living or dead spirits. I've always thought the potential of the collective awareness was many millions (and one of the the longest persistent analogies in the universal music feedback is that they are represented as stars; -yes, it's a universe unto itself).
The thought of what was happening September 12th evolved in my own head into the transcendent saying, come to me. I didn't even know if that was right but, just the thought, that this would willingly appear in the inspiration at this moment, it was infinitely gratifying to know this is something willingly wanted and expressed, even if it wasn't for that reason, meaning we'd both been higher than a cerulean kite for more than a year thanks to a "higher power", and that made you want to meet. It gave me a hope I can't describe. If you read how that was negotiated over the past summer between Him and me as I recorded it, your hair might stand up. (You'll at least know exactly what I mean. The infinity sign I'm not telling you. You'd have to read it.) It is Him giving me the only thing I ever asked twenty three years ago, the only hope I ever had.
Hearing it from someone (me to you) as their own felt experience is far different than singing about it as an idea, a "higher power". For me He had a name, Jesus. That was far too ludicrous an existential obscenity to even think it was possible, far too terrifying. It advented extremely slowly. I only made that admission in confidence in a letter December 2020.
I can't tell you what I'd wish from this encounter (though I know, I've always known), and I can't say that this is the encounter, because I don't know your side of it. Only you can tell me. All I can say is that before your song happened, I was planning to launch this in a public field just so I could prove it was happening, my last and only attempt at personal emancipation I could think to come up with. (I'm scared it's like pimping out my experience with my own husband, a Divine one at that, so that's hardly comfortable.) The potential window is now terminally short wherein I have a chance to do this. Publish and archive it in a hardly seen public field on the internet, plus send it to a clinical psychologist. Plus when I belatedly (as in far too late) found out Bono is publishing his autobiography (September), send him a last "Hail Mary" (football analogy) letter pleading for him to use his tome to at last do the right thing, acknowledge he wrote "Book of Your Heart" about me and my book and why he would do so, which would at least mean I might have a snowball's chance in hell an agent would consider my book, so I can at least retire. (We're skint.) I have to go public myself and can't "Hail Mary" Bono unlesss I'm willing to try this myself. It makes me a bit of a hypocrite to have blamed him for his silence for twenty-one years if I don't try. I can't blame him for his choice to imprison me inside my own mind if I won't try my utmost myself to get out, when one second chance has presented itself, the same model and circumstance as the first chance I took proving it to Billy/WPC on my own using the internet twenty-one years ago.
But I've had no interior motivation to do it, none all this time. (The iteration of bitterness when I think of what I'd write to Bono, when his sin of omission helped confine me to a carceral fifteen years after escaping a brutal abusive "marriage" is still overwhelming.) All of this stalled and dragged (and then I had to survive Covid-19 at home by myself this last past July). I questioned purpose, imperative and potential obligation to the others inside and out, over and over.
(As you can see there is no potential obligation, say, to Trent; (-would you like to reveal anything to someone who has perhaps threatened to destroy you on sight, and has in the past perhaps penned how he can sense you past all of existence itself; -all of a sudden the reason Bono's song might be asking do you have a death wish appears to have been answered already). Can you think of how terrifying a statement it is to have Trent questioning all this as delusional, after saying there is no "you" only "me", threatening his existence can annihilate yours? What if he proved to be the only one? He knew the bitterness when I was abandoned twice over in the past, bitterness beyond all measure. He knew the bitterness when I gave up and felt forced to accept none of this was real, because Billy didn't want to meet me after all. After all that. After an asking and an answer of free will in the expression of an eternal troth that had transpired, apparently, mind to mind. (Turns out it wasn't his mind.)
-And how am I to know where everyone might stand on this, or if there is nothing to tell? Tell me how proving there's a transcendent power patterning inspiration doesn't cut the legs out from under creativity itself? As if that would make any creators happy.
The only thing motivating and driving me to tell is that you want to meet me. You can make of that what you will, but I know exactly why. You don't have to make anything of it. And whatever happens, I think for a spirit to inspire others for decades in order to relate to an individual; -do I stand by that or question it in and of itself? A real transcendent being would not have to express this through others? To say to someone, this is happening because this is how a transcendent being wants to be with me, as a human is an absolute aberration, as is explaining it is happening through many people, as is explaining that I knew when I yielded inside my own mind this time that it surely would happen through many people, that someone would feel like you hopefully do now. How can I say that not knowing if it might or even who it might be? How can I say that if I show you how close it seemed to appear to be happening before in the past, enough that I tried to reach individuals personally with letters in order to meet three different times with three different men? (This is not the first time there has been an entreaty to meet within a deeply contextual album, and I'm willing to bet right now these had far more specificity in their personal details of my existing circumstance at the time than yours will, so I really do not know if it is you or the transcendent talking. It's always proven to be the transcendent, it was never grounded in one songwriter. That was in the end what convinced me there was a transcendent being doing the relating to me as object as lover, not any of the songwriters. The transcendent is obviously very, very happy with the present.)
You could not say that to any man. No one is secondary in what I'd be asking.
How do I explain the ecstasy it's been, realizing it all? The immeasurable love and joy and happiness? That I can't even fall in love outside of this, it's impossible? I can't even offer you my own belief and experience because it was all inside my mind. With this much doubt, I cannot promulgate my belief. (On the other hand, I will never abandon it, and no one has any business dismissing it, because they have no business dismissing that the cosmology that actually raised human consciousness wasn't any other cosmology, it happened in this one.) My questioning has never been about belief, but what is reality and how to promulgate reality? "You put on your robe and disappear into new realities" - "Royal Morning Blue" - Damon Albarn - yes, that's what I've been doing all this time. Only you could tell me what is and what isn't. And whatever beginning that might be, it would be one. Bono is right, it shouldn't have ever been this hard, you know it shouldn't be this tough. It's ludicrous to have gone through this, and gone with others through this, to arrive at the simple statement you were simply asking to be with someone in an ordinary life all this time. It was what I asked Billy in my mind more than twenty years ago.
This is the stupidest way in creation to have asked for a conversation or a date. It is not a stupid way to go about establishing there is a higher consciousness. It is just meeting that does that. No one ever responded, no one came. I don't know if you will even get this. Consider that for eighteen years neither of the parties I approached; -it didn't matter to them to even pen something that assuredly confirmed they'd received what I wrote, let alone speak to me.
The truth is Bono never answered my question and he wouldn't now, so I couldn't even establish the connection was real at the most basic, fundamental level, the very beginning. Bono will never acknowledge what happened, and I could never put it to him to do so. Martin will never reply. I asked Billy/WPC to be my witness (and he was/is), but he's barely acknowledged it; (-though he may do so musically now). Asking Billy to be my witness was really a function of observation. I was showing him that this was observable, meaning it wasn't just a function of my individual perception. By making him my witness I compounded observation, which meant I wasn't crazy, it was observable. All my attempts were in terms of reality: Real, or not real? Entering a compact if it's in this manner is a logical fallacy. I don't want to validate a fallacy. Was I able to present Biilly with something more than that? Perhaps not. What I came to at the end was, it's more established and more veritable than anything they've got going on this earth, both of which need to be repudiated, meaning it's worth using it to get the Armageddon rapturist train stopped, and the godless amoral mammon worship endless "growth" train stopped, to save the planet. (An ideological bastardization that could only have its union in greed.)
I'm grateful for the truth. I'm grateful to be told when I've been lied to, no matter how big the lie might be. Even if it goes back to the very beginning. Bono was my one potential point of proof that this began on a mutual command from God happening separately in two people that merged over time to create this collective consciousness in love. By making me permanently invisible, Bono betrayed me as far as it is possible to betray a person. (Instead he carried water for this (Russell Brand got stomped accordingly) and substituted his feminine apprehension of God with this.) I have no point of proof, and it was betrayal, because the thing that would have protected me from the attack or dismissal that I'm crazy was proof, and him abandoning that only chance was true abandonment. (At least with his latest song he copped it was his fault, the ensuing crash.) Despite all that, he's still the only one I trust (still) to lecture me. I trust him because he does.
I have no disagreement with Nick, though by belief system he should contravene everything I believe. I have no disagreement because I cannot demonstrate this transcends his worldview. There is nothing I can do to refute Trent's either. Nor would I want to. I don't have an adequate explanation for what happened to me. I can give you everything I observed. You don't have to meet me to know everything I observed, because I wrote it all down. It is massive, inexplicable, beautiful, amazing. To reiterate, arguably all I’ve landed is the worst way in the universe to ask for a date. I am ecstatic when things come back to me positively and I know I tried for those beautiful things, to make them all happen. I am happy to exist in truth. And truthfully, I just had my heart broken. All I did was ask to be with a person normally, and he turned me down. And the other, for better or worse, I can't really say more or less than I got played. I can't say any more or less on the outcomes and their being worth something or not than the present and what I think/hope/assume it's going to do present tense, in that it will be as positive as you are. I am extremely grateful to everyone who was part of this and love them in equal magnitude for all for the parts they played.
Seeing as I don't have any conclusion that any of this was consciously intended on their parts, I'm really glad it seemed to matter enough to Something or Someone in the universe to save me, and appear in my room when no one ever did. It was very beautiful. Things will happen off of it. I will be grateful for those things. So for the reason that Someone appeared, something beautiful I can't explain, and it was beautiful and beautifully in love, I'm even grateful I got played. I am grateful to the Being who was willing to show me and permit me to experience everything I needed to see so I could experience human love the way it should be once in my life. (No offspring, -the outcome was raised consciousness.) I’m grateful for the diligence it took to reintegrate and heal me. I’m grateful to every person who was part of that, inadvertently or not. But what I'm actually grateful for is that you want to meet me. Frankly, no one's ever made it this far which makes just meeting the biggest deal ever.
Like I said, I refuse: I'm not imagining this. Ful Stop. If we crash (again, because again I am abandoned and left alone), we crash.
I've done enough, and I'm done.
I didn't need Billy to be my witness to prove I was right. I needed to compound my observation beyond just myself. I needed to prove this was an observable phenomenon, because that proved that I wasn't crazy to my own family.
Look, you don't believe me?!? Watch! It will bend. (2000) This has been going of for eight years so far and traces back longer. Of course I'd rationalized it exactly how I was raised...
It's going to happen more or less as I say it will, though of course I don't know the ways in which it will do that.
Back then I chose Billy/WPC in my mind and made it about meeting him. That meant he wouldn't be the only one songwriting about it.
This time it's about meeting something else (commonality on the belief in the higher power), which actually happened in my head the first time in 2000 too.
I'm going to accept the truth. That is how I survived. Growing up I was set up with the biggest lie possible.
I don't need to be right. I need the acceptance that this is all fully observable, and that it happened to me/us, and that this is relevant/matters to us. That is all I need. Now what I wanted, what I wanted and asked, was to be with someone. I simply wanted to be with him more than anything in the world.
I've not clue of the circumstances this time, and I am not looking them up. The baseline step is the same anyhow. If you care about me and this matters to you, you'll want to meet me and talk about because it has relevance. That will matter to you and you will do it. It it doesn't matter to you to establish and protect that I am sane, basically, you don't care at all anyhow.
I want to meet. I hope you do too. If this impells you to and we do, then that is what this is about. (I don't need to be right.) I've honestly given you a reading that lets you know everything and you literally don't have to. You can read it all if you want to, to find out if you assuredly want to meet. If you feel secure in what you feel, you don't have to. I wouldn't put that on anyone, just the same way I can't and won't, and every human can't and won't, harness their hopes and expectations for meeting on a first meeting. You get to decide. You can watch, wait, observe and decide. That is what I did with Billy, to show him it was real. He got to observe, observe and decide. I wouldn't expect anything less of the situation if I was the one on the other side. I don't want to make this about you. I don't want to let you down by meeting and perhaps losing what has been happening to ordinary life.
A whole spectrum will happen across the music. Maybe you'll want to see first, what bag you'll be carrying. On the other hand, I would rather it was about us meeting as opposed to not meeting, (it became all about not meeting the last time twenty-one years ago, which was f***ing depressing); -very similar to the massive cosmic let down that happened again once more circa 2013.
All I ever even asked Billy was just to please step into the room. That was all I asked. That was all I needed. And if that doesn't matter, I can't say that any of it does. What I needed was to not be alone inside what was happening. Just meeting accomplishes that.
There is a difference between observation and interpretation. What I believe is my interpretation of what's observable. I am not assuming. (My mantra was "never assume". I love how my daughter breaks that down. I have a son and a daughter, 16 abd 14.)
Never forget that.
Back to Trent, and back to the present. I never would have asked Trent in my mind to be with him solely out of the collective back then, he was almost a wholly negative person. You can parse the differences between him and Billy at surface value, but Billy expressed the lows and the heights, and aspired, and it was truly beautiful, -yet in it was the harrow of the truth of coming from a dark place. I needed the truth to be acknowledged, it was the only thing I could potentially meet. About the only similarity was a sort of an inverted holiness streak between them that they both seemed to possess. (This was far more similar than I realized.)
What Trent doesn’t get is I do not decide: Billy was not only himself and inspired to predict a future, he was also a set of qualifying attributes that would contain and preserve the universal (the potential collective consciousness). I am certainly not the one deciding now. (It comes from your apprehension if the high power, not from me.) The second thing Trent doesn't get is that I already dealt with him in terms of his ideological nature back when I proved it to Billy. Billy did something much scarier than what Trent is doing right now, but it was more or less the same challenge, with the ultimate handicap that I'd been through an eternal troth with Billy mind to mind where I'd asked to be with him, not the other way 'round. Once I did that, Billy challenged me with everything in his arsenal. I already proved it once when presented with the ultimate challenge. The real test of perception in 2000 was, let's see whose perception plays out in the universal music feedback, mine or yours? Because that will prove who is right about this. Not a single element of Billy's position (which was then dubbed "Black Wings Over America") played out. Just the fact that he was there. The thing shot to the moon and back. In other words, my perception played out, despite the fact that BIlly was in the position to inflict maximal damage. And the truth is, with that event in 2000, which was the first time I tried to intercept the music feedback loop and prove myself in real time, I'd already made an assumption about Jesus appearing in my mind, kept it secret, and what appeared in the universal music feedback was an unidentified male spirit (once: 0:46, 2:02, 3:17). It did not have an identity. So it didn't appear with an ascribed identity the first time, and only I knew what it was about.
I am calling Trent's bluff. (I actually do believe that this is a bluff on his part, like "Boo!" in October. Does it still get to scare me? Yes it does.)
Trent's assumption on its face (that there is no God and all religion is false (a fake superiority complex), which is what causes his negative inference about me and what's going on with me right now), is ludicrous compared to my position that there is One, even if I think it has to do with an eternal troth and that it's personal, or at essence, that this is all happening because of a higher power. Trent's assumption is a real stretch once you register the sum of history. And I have a rationale for the higher power's identity. Quite simply this is how the higher power has identified Itself, to me, after first identifying as a feminine Holy Spirit. The higher power's present identity is because He had to do that in order to save my soul.
Trent (or anyone basically) is perfectly entitled to assert the following is merely a product of my own perception and a trauma based reaction based on the full story, which is not going to resolve what follows. The real question, the one that matters is, that’s not going to explain the outcomes of the public field time lapse experiment, where I allege that what I’m doing is intercepting a pre-existing inspirational feedback loop. If that proves to be an observable phenomenon, then you can get into the “fun” if you will, of opting to blame me for it, or opting to blame a “higher power”.
Taken from another direction, I’m asserting that in terms of existential assumptions that keep a discovery or birth like this "safe", as opposed to potentially not safe, my assumption of existential belief is more logical and rational to take as the safer of the two, -especially given Trent is already expressing one why in the negative, which he has to do. Because he is an atheist, he had to assume what’s happening right now is solely because of me. Well, if that delusional danger is inherent in the existing circumstances, you’re in a far better position if you already surrendered the circumstance to being predicated on resurrection only by a power you surrender and remain subject to, a surrender so complete it would only restore itself completely without your own power or impulse. (I tried my best.)
I would go so far as to say if you were ambushed by these circumstances originally what rational choice, really, would you have?
Whether Jesus lived is not a question of belief, it’s an either it was or it isn’t. My personal perception is not a matter of belief either. It's an either is or it isn’t (exists or doesn’t) but given the nature of human perception and human life (which presumably from a cosmological perspective ends in death to transcend evil), I’ve no guarantee or presumption transcending perception in this manner is proof of life after death. I just gave it my best shot anyhow, within the context of the understanding that I myself can’t resurrect and death is real and personally unless this proves real (another is or it isn’t) I don’t care if there’s an afterlife anyhow, though I would not toss the baby out with the bathwater if I found out my most basic beliefs were wrong. At least I can guarantee it by and large will prove positive. What happened with me, what I accomplished, grants us the inferential that we exist beyond our material selves, which permits the question of eternal life. That is the existential weight behind this possible first meeting.
The real reason I expect it won't play out right now in a way that irrefutably proves Jesus appeared and irrefutably attaches this to me is because we both believe in preserving Trent's soul. I do not contravene personal autonomy, and neither does God, considering God created free will. We're not A-holes. There was ony one instance I attempted broaching that with a proof exercise (reasons - Billy), which means I already performed as far as I could go where Trent would be concerned and I don't think that would have convinced him. I chose BIlly and BIlly was convinced. I'm rationalizing why He already isn't apparent to Trent this time 'round when He appeared to me. Trent's atheistic position appears absolutely unchanged, and therefore Jesus appearing in my perception did not impact so far as the furthest rebelling atheist I happen to believe is linked. I think it's not going to happen (and already didn't because we're nice). The higher power is responsible for creating free will and will not destroy it. If He destroys it to make Trent believe by irrevocably appearing in a manner Trent can in no way refute, Trent wins his existential argument by saying God is wrong in His very existential nature and his rebellion to God will then be intractable. I happen to think we don't do that and we're nice that way. Billy forced me to cross that boundary in a manner I normally wouldn't, because I decided he'd be better off either way, because he was in a crisis about whether God existed or not. Oh and I wasn't going to let a capricious A-hole demolish the universal. I stood him down. I'm glad the attempt at least seemed to save him, but apart from that one song of expressed loyalty, he has never imputed that I helped him, or whether it was my display of a higher power that helped him make his own peace with that path, a peace he has now.
In other words the pivot of the contest is not whether or not I'm crazy. I'm not permitting myself to be afraid of this question even if I am afraid. The pivot is, you have zero business or ability to maintain your position in the face of my own, because yours is built on sand. I faked eternity again? This proposition is impossible to fake, bubba. The future is completely beyond my control, and I'm the only one in the room with the guts to play these stakes and predict them, so literally, HOW DARE YOU EVEN PRETEND AT STEPPING INTO THE ROOM AS IF YOU'RE IN CONTROL? The dice are rolling, the future decides. Only I am saying what they really are and how they're going to play.
So I'm looking at all this and I can't prove anything to you from the testament of the past because the past betrayed me by deliberately rendering me invisible, and I likewise can't irrefutably prove anything to you from the attestation that is going to come out of the universal music feedback right now either, i.e., the future, because I honestly have enough signal that's not what is going to happen this time 'round. And if you had seen what I wrote to the clinical psychologist before Trent appeared with this song in May, you'd realize I already had made this prediction. (Yes I'm running far too late. I should have contacted him and had this all archived as a public online record before contacting you, instead it's been languishing on my PC.)
It doesn't matter in the sense that what really proved it to Billy was the willingness to appear in itself, in that the feedback loop overwhelmingly followed me and did so in a positive way, and I assuredly predicted it would. It was not being afraid. And in that same sense, whether I can prove the past or prove it through the future to you is hardly going to make a difference, because what is going to happen is going to prove so big anyhow. I am sure of it. Watch the music light up in the feedback loop - watch it light up the sky. Come firewalk with me.
It would be nice to have an ally for once. Let's see what it does, because that is not determined by me. It is more determined by every one of you, than it is me. It is determined by a higher power.
This is, (of course) an observational test. Trent is right, the content matters. What we are playing out in our human microcosm won't irrevocably prove that there's a God (and who He is), but it will indicate a transcendent consciousness. The litmus test is whether Trent's assumption is right or not. What the feeedback loop is, is the ultimate objective test of perception.
What will the universal music feedback loop come back with, will it be bad or good? Will it follow Trent's conceptions and worldview, or my own? Trent's making an assumption, he doesn't get to decide. He is subject to the same test that I am. I think he's going to lose by at least 10 to 1. Make that 100,....
(Yes, 'twas a pity I wasn't your date. Grow up. I've had to deal with that heartbreak on a scale you can't even contemplate.)
Same old, same old. I finally trust you, and you all turn out to be dicks. Every one of you, every time. Now you will learn the courage I've had, the sort of dragons I challenged for thirty years with nothing but strength of purely internal personal conviction and faith. You will know I was entirely alone and attacked on all sides in every aspect. You will know it was cruelty to live. You will know that none of this was free.
And we will arrive at the sum of our observations, you will get to say your piece, Trent will get to say his, they all will perhaps, and I will get to say mine, and we'll get to see who sounds like more of an idiot trying to rationalize the situation. After all, no one will attest that they were even there, -right? So why is there even a reaction on my cosmological terms in terms of rejecting it? Why is the rejection on those terms? Trent will count himself fortunate that the specificity is too weak to prove it. I don’t care if Trent and I even went to the end of the universe, no human could organize this.
In the end all we're really doing is trying to rationalize an inexplicable phenonemon that is totally beyond our comprehension. I have agreed to Trent's adjudication, which is that the true test is the content. This is a purely objective test, unless you ludicrously believe I can dictate what people spontaneously create using telepathy that uplinks directly into their mind's conception. That's what Trent is actually implying! ("Spells": -the nature of performing magic is to assume extra trans-sensory powers unto one's self, that is why it is antithetical to Christianity.)
Being forced to make it indeterminate may save my life. What Trent is doing could keep me alive. The Being wants me alive. I already expected Him to frame it in those boundaries (based on how truly terrified I was and got the impression He was). I abide His will. Will Jesus appear in the music? (Based on the unidentifiable appearance in the musical feedback the first time in 2000, this seems a total toss up.) Will the specificity in the music feedback prove irrefutable? Will it prove He’s real and that He appeared to me for this reason, the Bride/Groom? Under the circumstances I doubt it. If that was going to happen it would have happened already to Trent.
I will walk into the room, both arms tied behind my back, alone as ever, with the absenteism I ascribe to cowardice. I will perform this feat and it will pass as if it never happened, because no one cared to step into the room.
The meeting is where the proof comes from. The proof has yet to happen.
What is proof’s metric? Do I need it proven to myself? That this is real, or that I am good and not deluded?
If I needed that, I’d have already failed myself and failed you, failed it all/everyone.
Does it need proven to the world? That’s tantamount to final judgment- so, no.
Does it need proven to Trent? Not in terms of the above- not in the terms he requires (that’s the above already).
Does it need proven to you? Well I must if I’m worth my salt, but no, not on the level it would take to prove it to the world.
This is going to happen on the level where it needs to happen. I do not determine that. It will be enough for me, you and enough to stand forward, enough to say in this instance it’s better than anything Trent has got going, not in the sense of proving him wrong in terms of his beliefs, but proving he’s wrong in terms of what’s really happening in the collective consciousness, between you, me and every one of us, in that it’s overwhelmingly positive, what’s going to happen in the universal music feedback right now, about me, my perception of a higher power, yours , -it’s going to be about our trascendent unity in love.
I already proved both things in the demonstration to Billy, 1) that it was real, 2) that it was good. Proving it didn’t matter, what mattered was if it would have mattered to him to meet and be together because of it. I went through this with Billy twice over, the disillusionment when I gave up in believing in it all because Billy didn’t want to meet me (which was like turning down meeting your eternal soul mate = logic fail), only to go through it a second time where he now believed in me enough to perform the experiment of attempting to wake me back up (which gave him his conclusion when it worked for both me and him), it was rational now and he still chose to abandon and reject me. What I’m getting at is it hurt more to be right, and be abandoned for life in permanent solitude in the full knowledge of my own awareness I couldn’t impart to anyone else. It was the same as having God design you this way, only to suffer total abandonment. (The most common utterance in my mind post 2013 was, You never wanted me alive. (-Why bother?)) That hurt more than the devastational release of concluding I was wrong.
That’s not why meeting is more important and proof in itself, the ultimate crux, but proving it really didn’t matter after all if it didn’t matter now did it? No one's ever replied to me except musically. Circumstantially that doesn't cut it.
Oh and in reference, the only King is Jesus. That simple.
Oh and, not only do I have a horrible, outdated website but my iBook page is woefully out of date. (I write the worst synopsises ever.) Suffice to say I lied. The book is 100% non-fiction, but it was never safe to say so, because Bono the yob would never open his gob. Also my book cover has inexplicably disappeared, so those are things I have to fix.